What a difference 20 years makes!

Sometimes I look around and think, "How am I an adult right now?" or, "How am I older than my Mom was when I was 10?"  It's an interesting thing to think that we shed our skin every so often, but sometimes get stuck in place in other areas of our lives.  We carry so much baggage around that we get weighed down by things that have been gone for ages.  Some days I look up and think, "Holy crap, I'm killin' it!" where other days I proclaim, "Can't I just be a cat and sleep all day?"  Life is a roller coaster full of mountains and valleys and it's up to us how we intend to enjoy the ride.

Twenty years ago I was preparing for my senior year of high school.  I took the picture below on a hot summer day in Chula Vista, California with a group of my friends who were also having the exact same picture taken.  Everything was planned out for me until then, but I hadn't decided on college yet, I only knew I had so much future ahead of me and the world was at my fingertips.  I hadn't yet experienced the sheer joy of being on the newspaper staff, I hadn't yet discovered my love of psychology, and I had so many issues with separation and confidence.  I would often wax poetic about things, but rarely did I act on anything that would make me stand out because I didn't really believe in myself.  That was 17, I suppose.   

Summer of 1999
This was me yesterday.  I have confidence, I've experienced more than my share of highs and lows, and I know who I am.  I wouldn't trade now for 17 even though in my book 17 was pretty amazing.  I love who I am now, but can think back even 10 years and realize I had major work to do.  I'm nowhere near done, but I embrace my faults and continue to work on them openly (and privately too).  I know what I bring to the table and am not afraid to eat alone.
07/14/2019
 I've thought a lot lately about the past and don't want to "live" there anymore.  So, I am letting the past live in the past and focusing on the future.  This may in fact be my last post where I even discuss the past because although it has brought me to where I am today, my sights need to be set firmly on TODAY and TOMORROW, not YESTERDAY.  We all make mistakes, we all lose people we love along the way, and we all only ever have control over ourselves.  This is me taking control of MYSELF and vowing to shift my focus.  I can let the past bring me sadness (& joy) or I can keep all the warm fuzzies for what they were and embrace my 37-year-old self as she is now.  I'd rather focus on the now, honestly.  I like now.  Hell, I'll even say I love now.  I'm exactly where I need to be and have some of the best people surrounding me.  What could be better than that?

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