Blended Memories

A year ago I never would have worn white pants or a sleeveless shirt.  Today I wore both.  Am I totally satisfied with what I see?  No. I also don't mind that I'm a work in progress because we all are.  Often times we don't show the parts of ourselves that are in flux, whether physical or internal.  Part of getting to a better place is acknowledging and accepting our faults and making commitments to improve.  For me this is how I'm coming into my own.  I know who I am, what I stand for, what makes me tick, but I've struggled with certain facets of my being.  Who doesn't, right?  Much like the other day when I said to wear the fuchsia lipstick, this is my call to wear the white pants!  Whatever your  white pants are - put them on and wear them proudly!  As a photographer I often find people criticize themselves and complain about the parts of them that are too fat, too thin, too frizzy, too wrinkled, too whatever ....

In high school I was not popular, but I also wasn't un popular.  I just sort of... was.  My senior year I was on the newspaper staff and forged wonderful relationships with my fellow writers.  I swore up and down that I would never lose touch with anyone and we'd be friends forever.  Well, here I am 19 years post high school with vastly different views, but similar tendencies.  What I mean by that is when I meet someone and form a relationship, I tend to think it'll last forever and nothing will ever tarnish that bond.  What I've learned over the years it that I am beyond wrong on that and my mind gets it, but my heart fails to get on board. When I look back now, high school was four years.  Some of the people I knew then I'd known since elementary school, but what was important back then isn't so much now.  I've had 19 years in the workforce to learn that people come and go and sometimes relationships are situational.  Sometimes "wo...

This is me today - a couple of hours ago, in fact.  One thing that's easy to do working from home is not to get dressed, not to put makeup on, and not to really feel like you're at work.  A couple weeks ago when I was in Hartford, Connecticut I got to talking to the team that was there about this very thing.  Working from home has its major advantages, but there are also downsides like having jewelry and nowhere to wear it, picking out clothes and not even putting them on, that type of thing.  Granted, I can have coffee in my sweats and throw my hair up in a messy bun like no one's business these days, but I've been missing the whole "going to work" thing.  I decided to remedy this by... well, getting ready for work!   I only have to wear dress pants when I actually visit clients, but it feels good to put on some makeup (I am LOVING my hot pink Mac lipstick, guys!), jeans, a nice top, some comfortable yet stylish shoes, and JEWELRY!! ...

I wasn’t sure if I was going to mention anything today, but given that exactly a year ago today was a day that re-shaped my future, I feel like it’s important to process through.   June 18, 2018 I had just returned from vacation and was greeted back to work and could feel something was off.   This wasn’t entirely abnormal since things had been off for years overall, but I could feel the “watch your back” vibe.   As it turned out, while I was gone a lot had happened and whether I agreed with it or not, things would never be the same.   The company had become very survivor-like and I had been notoriously naïve about people being in my corner when there was more going on I was unaware of.   I had devoted 16 years to an organization that honestly felt more like a home to me than a workplace.   I had stayed far longer than I should have out of sheer comfort.   This day a year ago showed me people’s true colors and forced me awake.   Once the comfort ...

It’s interesting hearing from people that I look so happy. I’ve had people tell me this ever since I moved out of California. When I meet people in Missouri the number one question I am asked is, “Why did you leave California?” These two things go hand in hand. Did I love California? Absolutely. I thought I was happy there, even. I grew up there and have family and friends there. The beach is a stone’s throw away and the mountains are just as close. The desert is easily accessible and the city is everywhere. Mexican food is THE BEST in California, especially in San Diego. On the flip side, expenses are insane. My two-bedroom apartment was going to be $2500 a month, which didn’t include pet rent, utilities, cable, internet, and gas & electric. I have student loans so I was constantly in a state of financial worry, salaries didn’t increase at the rate cost of living did, and without even knowing it I was constantly stressed financially. I like to say that as beautiful as Cal...

I went to counseling for many years and both as a Master of Psychology and as a human being, highly recommend everyone go to counseling at some point in their lives.  It's nice to have an unbiased party to listen, advise, and provide high level guidance on better coping mechanisms.  Often people think because I studied psychology I shouldn't need outside guidance, but as with most things, it is far easier to advise others than to look internally and make adjustments.  Over the course of my years in counseling, it became evident that I am not good at dealing with tough situations that impact me directly. Examples? - When I was eight, my grandfather passed away.  When my mom told me, I reacted very stoically and didn't cry about that loss for several years. - Even when I was well into my career at Jack in the Box, I clung to my coworkers for fear they would leave.  It's a job - people leave.  You don't keep in touch with all of them when they go.  ...

Meet Milo, my normally fairly mild-mannered Siamese.  He came into my life a little over three years ago and wrapped himself squarely around my little finger.  He's always been pretty tame, aside from the occasional decision to bite me or thump his hind legs on inanimate objects that he favors.  This morning, however, my sweet little bear turned into a horrific monster!  I took him to the vet for his annual checkup and vaccines.  When we arrived he was pretty calm and didn't even make a noise when the "office cat" at the vet came by to sniff and investigate.  As soon as the vet walked into the room though, he was baring his teeth, growling, and hissing!  I have no idea what happened but Milo was NOT a happy camper.  Maybe he had a case of the Mondays.  Maybe he decided he didn't want to be poked and prodded.  Whatever the case, he has to go back in two weeks for another attempt at shots.  I may not have any tiny humans in my ca...

Creating a blog really takes me back. I used to dabble in HTML in high school and college. I made a lot of friends through writing and more than that, got a lot off my chest. I miss blogging and decided to bring it back into my life. Who am I? I am a culmination of personality, experience, circumstance, preference, curiosity, and purposefulness. I love: - My family & friends - My kitty son, Milo - My career - Disney - Travel - Mexican food - Photography - Quotes - Reading - Development - Gems and stones Stay tuned for more.