A year ago today.


I wasn’t sure if I was going to mention anything today, but given that exactly a year ago today was a day that re-shaped my future, I feel like it’s important to process through.  June 18, 2018 I had just returned from vacation and was greeted back to work and could feel something was off.  This wasn’t entirely abnormal since things had been off for years overall, but I could feel the “watch your back” vibe.  As it turned out, while I was gone a lot had happened and whether I agreed with it or not, things would never be the same.  The company had become very survivor-like and I had been notoriously naïve about people being in my corner when there was more going on I was unaware of.  I had devoted 16 years to an organization that honestly felt more like a home to me than a workplace.  I had stayed far longer than I should have out of sheer comfort.  This day a year ago showed me people’s true colors and forced me awake.  Once the comfort was ripped away, I had no choice but to evaluate my status and decide how I wanted to proceed. 

It was this day a year ago that I decided it was time to move on.  I had talked about it before, but with my eyes wide open, I finally took the leap and began my search for the next chapter.  For those who know me, you know that I am loyal to a fault.  I kept myself in a bad situation out of loyalty and comfort, but when it became clear that I was only hurting myself, I knew it was time to go.  Sometimes it takes a giant JOLT to make things clear, even if they are painful to deal with.  It was less than a month later that I gave notice and had my plan.  I have now spent 10 months at my current/new job, moved to a new state, and have weeded out toxicity all around. 

More than anything, I no longer allow my loyalty to act as a barrier for seeing what is right in front of me.  Not everyone is in your corner, not everyone wants the best for you, and sometimes people will hurt you to make themselves look good.  When I was preparing to leave San Diego, my dear friend Derek said that within six months I would know who my true friends are.  He was so right.  I have lost a lot of people along the way, but that’s okay.  I have kept a lot of people too, and even added some new gems.  If you’re ever sitting there thinking you can’t make the jump or can’t risk making a change, think again.  I never thought in a million years I’d be sitting in Springfield, Missouri working from home and enjoying a new life, but here I am!  I am proof that it can be done.  As an added blessing, I have learned that work needs to be work, and home is home.  I love my job and my coworkers, but I can’t fall into a situation again where I am so invested in work that it meshes into my personal life. 

The last year has made me stronger than I realized I could be.  I still want to see the best in people, but also know wearing the rose-colored glasses doesn’t really work either.  I am thankful for my 16 years with a company that taught me so much and provided so many wonderful relationships.  I am elated that I’m at a company now that enriches my life and has allowed me to achieve new goals and soar to new heights. I’m choosing to see the blessings over the burdens in all aspects of my life and am finally the person I want to be.  There’s no stigma, no reputation, no “she’s been here forever.”  I am just me, and I like it that way.

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