Blended Memories

Every week I plan to highlight one special person in my life and share our journey, mostly because it's a feel good type of post that I can reflect back on when times are tough.  It's always good to remember the good stuff. This is Rebecca, known fondly as Becky Poo.  Our friendship developed in one day in 1995 and I remember it so distinctly.  We were on our end of the school year outing at Rohr park and although we'd been in classes together all year, we had never really spoken.  To set the stage, I am not a sportsman at all  and Rebecca is beyond talented.  I had stupidly decided to venture into a sea of really tall bushes that had a hidden path inside them with a couple of friends and much to my dismay got smacked in the eye with a branch.  As my eye swelled shut I opted not  to notify the teachers or chaperones that were with us on the trip.  Why?  That wasn't how I rolled.  Instead I found myself rather delirious and ...

I touched on anxiety briefly yesterday, but I was reading Andrea Barber's book Full Circle  last night and one particular description pummeled me like a ton of bricks.   " When my anxiety is at its worst, my world closes into a pinhole-sized view, and it's all I can think about.  It's a very overwhelming and devastating feeling, and very different from what I'd always assumed anxiety was (butterflies in my stomach before a speech). Tasks that once seemed easy and fun suddenly feel insurmountable. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest.  It's kind of like the sensation you get when you're at the very top of a roller coaster, white-knuckled hands gripping the bar in front of you, about to plummet downwards.  That adrenaline and fear kick into overdrive... but in the case of anxiety, there would be no letup.  I was constantly in that white-knuckled state, holding my breath, gripped by the fear of the unknown.  When you feel like that even ...

Last night as I was attempting sleep after midnight, my mind started wandering (hello Sunday night).  I was thinking about all that's transpired in 2020 and how much of it has been awful.  In the middle of that awful, between the Coronavirus and race wars and political distress, there have  been moments of joy.  I spent the first part of the year traveling -- first to San Diego for work and to see friends/family, then to San Diego/Mesquite/Los Angeles just at the cusp of the pandemic.  I am thankful I got to see people I love and spend moments of bonding before the world seemingly exploded into a "new normal" that is anything but.  Walking through Hollywood and Venice Beach I was overcome with the homelessness and Covid was but a small ember, but as soon as I returned home it was straight into quarantine thanks to flying and then on lock-down due to necessity.  The time since my last trip in March has given me lots of time to clean out my closets ...