Thank you, Andrea Barber!


I touched on anxiety briefly yesterday, but I was reading Andrea Barber's book Full Circle last night and one particular description pummeled me like a ton of bricks.  

"When my anxiety is at its worst, my world closes into a pinhole-sized view, and it's all I can think about.  It's a very overwhelming and devastating feeling, and very different from what I'd always assumed anxiety was (butterflies in my stomach before a speech). Tasks that once seemed easy and fun suddenly feel insurmountable. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest.  It's kind of like the sensation you get when you're at the very top of a roller coaster, white-knuckled hands gripping the bar in front of you, about to plummet downwards.  That adrenaline and fear kick into overdrive... but in the case of anxiety, there would be no letup.  I was constantly in that white-knuckled state, holding my breath, gripped by the fear of the unknown.  When you feel like that even in the absence of actual, present danger, that is anxiety." - Andrea Barber

Why yes, that is anxiety.  So many people suffer through anxiety and so few people seem to truly understand that it isn't personal or a slight against anyone, it's simply a chemical brain issue that rears its head whenever it chooses.  It can make the most reliable person unresponsive and hard to reach.  One thing that gets me usually is chatting on the phone.  It's a simple enough task, right?  Sometimes I'm fine, other times I'm staring at my phone ringing with sheer panic in my heart.  It has absolutely nothing to do with the person on the other end.  I can't explain it, I just don't want to talk and have the pressure of what to say or how I look or how I sound.  It's nonsensical and 100% my situation most of the time.

Anxiety sucks.  Period.  It does.  If you know someone with anxiety, try to be patient.  That's all anxiety needs.  You can't fix it or make it about you.  It's not even about the person it resides in half the time -- it's just a chemical reaction to stimuli that doesn't fit right.  Medication helps, therapy helps, but it's always there lingering waiting for the right moment to strike.  Keep that in mind as you inevitably wonder why someone is non-responsive, cancels on you, or says they are too anxious to do something.  It isn't always something that can be shaken off.  Truly.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pandemic Pondering

Image
Last night as I was attempting sleep after midnight, my mind started wandering (hello Sunday night).  I was thinking about all that's transpired in 2020 and how much of it has been awful.  In the middle of that awful, between the Coronavirus and race wars and political distress, there have  been moments of joy.  I spent the first part of the year traveling -- first to San Diego for work and to see friends/family, then to San Diego/Mesquite/Los Angeles just at the cusp of the pandemic.  I am thankful I got to see people I love and spend moments of bonding before the world seemingly exploded into a "new normal" that is anything but.  Walking through Hollywood and Venice Beach I was overcome with the homelessness and Covid was but a small ember, but as soon as I returned home it was straight into quarantine thanks to flying and then on lock-down due to necessity.  The time since my last trip in March has given me lots of time to clean out my closets ...
Read more

Healing

Image
Life takes us in directions we couldn't possibly expect, and with those pathways sometimes comes loss.  At the time it feels unbearable and full of pain, but on the other side of that pain is acceptance and understanding (one hopes).  It's taken me a long time to write this post, not because I hadn't reached the other end of the emotional path, but because it feels so final .  What I had to realize though is that I wasn't the one to make it so, I was just the one who had to accept it. Katie and I met in the 7th grade, but became close our 11th grade year of high school.  I was the maid of honor in her first wedding and for many years was one of her three best friends from high school.  She got me in ways no one else could and our memories were filled with laughter.  We'd had a couple fallings out over the years, but always found a way to reconcile and continue our friendship. As someone who struggles with anxiety, it is not uncommon for that feeling to over...
Read more

Let's Talk About Childhood

Image
I went to counseling for many years and both as a Master of Psychology and as a human being, highly recommend everyone go to counseling at some point in their lives.  It's nice to have an unbiased party to listen, advise, and provide high level guidance on better coping mechanisms.  Often people think because I studied psychology I shouldn't need outside guidance, but as with most things, it is far easier to advise others than to look internally and make adjustments.  Over the course of my years in counseling, it became evident that I am not good at dealing with tough situations that impact me directly. Examples? - When I was eight, my grandfather passed away.  When my mom told me, I reacted very stoically and didn't cry about that loss for several years. - Even when I was well into my career at Jack in the Box, I clung to my coworkers for fear they would leave.  It's a job - people leave.  You don't keep in touch with all of them when they go.  ...
Read more