Anxiety

A lot of people live with anxiety, myself included. Many others don’t understand what it’s like and make judgments that are truly hurtful. I encourage everyone to be cognizant of the fact you don’t know what it’s like to be someone else and remember that every person handles things differently. For me anxiety is something that creeps up on me at the most inopportune times and leaves me in a state of panic. It’s not something I can brush off or “get over,” it’s something that I live with constantly.

Anxiety is worrying when someone says they need to talk. Whatever you do, for the love of God, do not tell me you need to talk to me and not tell me why. My mind will go on the hunt for every potential worst case scenario and magnify it 100x. I can’t stop it, either. It’s just what my mind goes through.

Anxiety is talking on the phone socially. I used to LOVE talking on the phone, but then texting became a thing and phone conversations now riddle me with anxiety. I don’t know why this happens but I see the phone ring and become a bundle of nerves.

Anxiety is someone being upset with me and not wanting to talk it out. I have to understand things and so often people want to argue and never resolve said issue, which makes me anxious and unsettled until I find a reasonable explanation.

Anxiety is being late. Period.

Anxiety is small things like meeting up with someone after a long time, idle conversation, not having a plan, financial uncertainty, anything that builds up and becomes a surprise. ANXIETY. It’s hard because some people think I don’t love them because I don’t want to talk on the phone or because I may cancel a plan because I am overwhelmed and anxious. It has nothing to do with how much I care  or the value I see in anyone, it’s just part of my anatomy and mental being. I’ve lost people in my life because they don’t get it or can’t put up with it, but it is who I am and although I work on it, it’s always there... lingering.

I am thankful for those who have stuck it out and who accept me as I am. We all have something we struggle with and anxiety just happens to be my thing. I can think of so many times I have felt anxious and had people tell me “not to think about it” or “not to worry.” The reality is I can’t just let go. Even when I get a massage I have to spend the whole time begging my brain to relax. At 37 I think I’ve just accepted that this is how I’m wired. I appreciate the encouragement from friends and family, just know sometimes I can’t help how I feel.

Be aware of those with anxiety and just try to be kind. That’s really all you can do and all we really need. Text instead of call or understand if we’re overwhelmed. I guarantee you it’s harder to live with it than to sit beside it.